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A few things could be going on here, it's hard to know from just reading a post. First, I would say the pressure and paranoia she's feeling is not too different from any other same sex relationship; there's little support as it is, and a lifetime of little support and lots of hostility turn small things into full blown demons. Kinda related to the grain of truth in the lesbian U-Haul joke. Queer community involvement can go a way towards mitigating this. Second, keeping term relationships legally secure in our current sociopolitical environment can involve a lot of paperwork and expense, as well as the hefty plates of shit one has to eat when dealing with bureaucrats, families, and so on. If your friend is going down this path, is it a path both she and her partner are walking together to face as a team? If not, then there's a big warning sign. Of course, paperwork doesn't prove anything either, but it can point to mismatched expectations about what each person wants in the relationship. Third, and kinda related to the first, I agree overall with everyone who's said that surely 10 years is plenty of proof. If not, then there is an obvious danger of having this fear become a self-fulfilling prophecy. If it's at all relevant to her situation, a gentle reminder to try not to sabotage her happiness might help, as there are already enough forces in service to that goal. Same with a reminder about constant insecurity being a corrosive thrown in the face of someone who's stuck by her for 10 years. That's not what people do to those they, and it's not right. I suppose all this falls into giving advice to your friend, which you said you don't want to do. Still, your friends are adults, and have full agency in taking your advice or not. Personally, I appreciate uninvolved outside perspective and especially hold dear all of the friends in my life who don't hesitate with being honest, no matter how painful it might be. I you find something which works.

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